Sometimes this blog isn’t about informing/ supporting others, it is about me, my thoughts, my diary almost..and today is one of those days!
**Trying to avoid triggers here as much as possible..
If you have lost a child during pregnancy you don’t need me to babble on about how gut wrenchingly painful, physically, emotionally & mentally it can be. For those who haven’t been through it, i am sure you have an idea of what it must be like, especially if you are a regular reader of my blog.
For all of us, right now, i don’t need to go down the route of describing it!
But what i have been thinking lately, the more i write about my journey, and talk to others that went through similar issues, is how far i have come, it has happened almost without me realising it, my anxiety has still been pestering me a lot, but it is general anxiety, not just utter sadness.
This is of course positive and i have small moments where i rejoice at the fact i am able to leave the house or talk to people with a genuine smile and not be fuelled up on hormones!
Every now and then though, i stop, and i realise i am having fun, enjoying parts of life i didn’t used to, or i have gone a day without thinking of all that pain.
Once these thoughts have crossed my mind though, that is when the anxiety gets worse, how could i be happy? how dare i? how could i not think about all that has happened and all that i have lost, am i a bad person!?
Would i have been a bad mother if i could forget my child(ren) so quickly even if it was just for a day!
The guilt descends.