Most of my friends and family have decided that, because they don’t actually see the physical side of infertility effecting me anymore (what they mean is now IVF is over) that i am ‘over’ it and that it’s in the past.
Because they don’t see my crying in the shower, or zooming past the pregnancy announcements on social media at break neck speed, that of course, i am totally okay now, and some seem to have started telling me how tough they found it supporting me!
A lot have said, i didn’t really ask how you were because i didn’t no how to, or have said that they avoided the topic at all costs with me, to avoid any awkwardness, i can totally appreciate that it must be so hard supporting someone with fertility issues, but these are people i confided in, who were there for me and who i felt like i couldn’t have got through it without them, and to hear them say that now, i feel more like a burden, because for me it isn’t just in the past and forgotten about, fertility issues are on going, my baby has still gone, and i still am not a Mother!
It’s hard to be mad at them, because they aren’t trying to hurt me, most of the time it goes over my head, but sometimes, on the down days its hard when someone says something like this!
The trouble is, there isn’t a guide to how to support someone through infertility, even if there was, everyone is different, and what works for one person won’t work for another.
I think what is important to know as someone who is the supporter, is that the pain isn’t always visible, loss will always be there, the heartache of fertility rarely goes away, we just learn to cope, and please be gentle with us, we don’t expect you to tip toe around it forever but please understand that we don’t always expect you to understand, just be there, like we would be for you.
I am hoping to set up a forum for people who are supporting others through fertility issues, i feel like it might be helpful and i know some of my friends and family would be grateful for it!
Let me know what you think!!!
Until next time..