Infertility · mental health · Uncategorized

What they don’t tell you about fertility issues…

Hi Guys,

I want to talk about the less well-known side effects that can come from infertility... what they don’t tell you about fertility issues..

infertility
Infertility description

 

FACT;

When you get diagnosed with any sort of fertility issue, it’s not going to be easy.

Usually the first thing you consider is the immediate effect, on your health, your reproductive system, on your body physically, and of course, doctors are their on hand to asses and help with these issues.

What I never thought about at the time of my diagnosis was my mental health. The way in which this diagnosis would affect me, the way I live my life and my relationship with others.
It’s only really now, I am in a better but by no means good place mentally where I can look back and actually see how I have been effected!

I crave steady relationships, ones that I know are unconditional, partly because I have an underlying feeling than in general I am never going to be good enough for anything or anyone.

Image result for the importance of friends
There have been friends in the past, those who you drift in and out of friendship or ‘closeness’ with or even that drift away completely. But I think I let these drift much easier, I let them go because they are no longer a constant for me, I have a very close group of friends, we are solid, we and woven together through years and years of friendship and that’s how I like it!
My patience when it comes to people questioning me, my actions and those around me has lessened over the years and now I am almost totally intolerant.
Thinking about it, I think this is due to my own selfishness, I have enough negativity in my life as it is to let someone else’s in, especially when it’s directed at me, so instead of fighting my case I cut ties.

I’m not saying this is a good thing at all, and maybe as I get older and more childless it could get worse. I don’t want to be the old selfish person with no children that only thinks of herself, but my experiences are such that I am, for now, in self preservation mode, where I need to protect my feelings, and what positivity I have, because it can so easily be destroyed and I can hurtle downwards in to a pit of anxiety and heart palpation’s, which in turn make me more irritable and less tolerable of these situations.
The physical effects of menopause for me now are not hugely important, i am doing what I can to keep my bones strong, I underwent IVF as a natural step, and I feel like I have some sort of control over these things.
My mental health is a different story.. I am teetering on the edge of a very pointy ridge that I could plummet down from at the slightest gust of anything that I can’t deal with.
I am working on it, but it’s hard for sure!!

How do you manage your mental health? And for those with fertility issues, what’s been the thing that has effected you most?

 

Thats all from me for today, as i am sure you can tell, my anxiety has been playing up this week, i am sorry that it reflects so clearly in my posts, but this is supposed to be a true insight into a world after IVF, and no one ever said it would be plain sailing!

bye bye

12 thoughts on “What they don’t tell you about fertility issues…

  1. I’m sorry you’ve been struggling this week. I still think you do amazingly well and it’s good to talk about it on here too. The mental health side of infertility is definitely something I underestimated and am only just learning how to ride. A combination of being kind to myself, meditating and blogging/writing. Of course the biggest thing for me has been some time away from work and I really don’t know how I’m going to react when I have to go back in October. My mental health definitely struggles when I have to go there every day!! Stay as strong as you can, take help where you can and keep talking πŸ’•πŸ’•

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    1. Thank you for your comment! It’s been tough and hoping it gets better.. sounds like you know what to do to try and stop any negativity! I’m trying to get there where I can avoid my triggers! Have you thought about maybe going back to a different job ?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really want to do something different, but I’ve no idea what. Plus I get time off for appointments, time off for surgeries, they’re really understanding about my treatment and the maternity pay is good. I’d sacrifice all that if moved jobs. It’s a tough one – I just want to write for a living! But it’s not that easy!! Knowing your triggers is really helpful. I know I can’t really help, but you can always message me anytime if you want to chat 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That sounds like a good idea. There’s a few people doing books on their journey, their story and I think there’s a lot of books of people’s individual stories. I was thinking the other day about something more like a ‘lessons I’ve learned’ (I’m just reading davina’s Lessons I’ve Learned!). We’ve all learned so much about what happens, what to expect, how to deal with family, friends, pregnancies, social media etc. Sort of a how to navigate and stay (relatively) sane?!
        What thoughts did you have? They don’t have to match mine of course!!

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      3. Ah yeah that’s a good idea! I was thinking a group of us do a kind of diary entry style book! So each of us write paragraphs on different parts of our journey! I need to have a good think about it! I contacted a publisher last week but haven’t heard back as yet! Sorry if it doesn’t really make sense.. it’s been a long weekend and I’m pretty exhausted.. brain is in half function mode!

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  2. Infertility has absolutely wrecked my mental health, and I know the effects of it have been much worse because so many people jump ship that we thought we could rely on. I look at a picture from my wedding and my three best girlfriends next to me and none of them are in my life anymore. The one who was our witness when we got married had gone through six miscarriages and so you’d think that she would have stuck around but she became a tremendous flake anytime we planned to get together once I started treatments, and actually told me that she was not infertile because she had no problem getting pregnant – even though none of her pregnancies ended up in a live birth – and therefore she and I have nothing in common. Another one who I considered like a sister to me also suddenly started flaking on me when we had plans, and also made the comment that because I’m into recycling that adoption would be right up my alley… I had actually told her how much that hurt me and said that I appreciate that she is a busy person but just wanted a day with her that didn’t involve alcohol (considering I was going through IVF) just wanted to go out into nature before our 4th cycle as we hadn’t done that in a couple of years. Literally hours before she cancelled it, with no good excuse, and then completely ignored me on that 4th cycle (which ironically it was the one we had our one pregnancy on) so I just stopped asking her for time and she completely ghosted me. Ironically though she had the nerve to text my husband about some chakra healer (I shit you not) that she knew who helped a friend of a friend with fertility. I’ve never had a huge circle of friends and to have the people who I trusted the most pretty much ghost me, and my own mother abandon me during my miscarriage, that made an already fragile mental health status get 10 times worse. I don’t confide in anyone anymore, beyond my husband, and now just write in my blog.

    We are now 4 months out of our sixth and final cycle and I don’t know if I’ll ever be better. I still don’t like going out socially all that much with my husband and would rather be a homebody, and with all the physical shit that’s hit the fan with my back injury and retinal detachment in this past year, sometimes optimism is hard to come by. With all the costs of everything hitting us like a ton of bricks, we had to put our therapist on hold as she’s not covered by insurance and boy does that add up financially.

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    1. Wow! Some friends they were!!! How could she say that about recycling and adoption! What the actual f***.
      I’m the same! I freak out if I’m too far from home.. especially at night! I like to have my safety net around me!
      It can be hard. The toll this world takes on you! It can destroy things you never knew could be!

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