I want to talk about the less well-known side effects that can come from infertility... what they don’t tell you about fertility issues..
When you get diagnosed with any sort of fertility issue, it’s not going to be easy.
Usually the first thing you consider is the immediate effect, on your health, your reproductive system, on your body physically, and of course, doctors are their on hand to asses and help with these issues.
What I never thought about at the time of my diagnosis was my mental health. The way in which this diagnosis would affect me, the way I live my life and my relationship with others.
It’s only really now, I am in a better but by no means good place mentally where I can look back and actually see how I have been effected!
I crave steady relationships, ones that I know are unconditional, partly because I have an underlying feeling than in general I am never going to be good enough for anything or anyone.
There have been friends in the past, those who you drift in and out of friendship or ‘closeness’ with or even that drift away completely. But I think I let these drift much easier, I let them go because they are no longer a constant for me, I have a very close group of friends, we are solid, we and woven together through years and years of friendship and that’s how I like it!
My patience when it comes to people questioning me, my actions and those around me has lessened over the years and now I am almost totally intolerant.
Thinking about it, I think this is due to my own selfishness, I have enough negativity in my life as it is to let someone else’s in, especially when it’s directed at me, so instead of fighting my case I cut ties.
I’m not saying this is a good thing at all, and maybe as I get older and more childless it could get worse. I don’t want to be the old selfish person with no children that only thinks of herself, but my experiences are such that I am, for now, in self preservation mode, where I need to protect my feelings, and what positivity I have, because it can so easily be destroyed and I can hurtle downwards in to a pit of anxiety and heart palpation’s, which in turn make me more irritable and less tolerable of these situations.
The physical effects of menopause for me now are not hugely important, i am doing what I can to keep my bones strong, I underwent IVF as a natural step, and I feel like I have some sort of control over these things.
My mental health is a different story.. I am teetering on the edge of a very pointy ridge that I could plummet down from at the slightest gust of anything that I can’t deal with.
I am working on it, but it’s hard for sure!!
How do you manage your mental health? And for those with fertility issues, what’s been the thing that has effected you most?
Thats all from me for today, as i am sure you can tell, my anxiety has been playing up this week, i am sorry that it reflects so clearly in my posts, but this is supposed to be a true insight into a world after IVF, and no one ever said it would be plain sailing!