This week has been a whirlwind! More like a hurricane to be honest!
This time last week i was on cloud 9 after buying a TON of new dog toys for the impending arrival of our new rescue dog Freddy. (seriously most exiting thing ever!!)
He had visited our house and we had totally fallen in love with him, he had his issues (he barks at other dogs, and hasn’t had the best past) but he seemed just what we needed and wanted for our family to grow!
I was gutted as Hubby was able to pick him up while i worked late on Friday but i was able to spend the weekend with him as Hubby had plans so it seemed like a decent compromise.
Anyway, we got him and the first night he cried all night, i was up with him and got the grand total of 45 minutes sleep! But i didn’t mind, this was everything i have wanted since IVF failed.
We had a great couple of days with him, although he growled a little, at my grandmother, and the MIL, and at Hubby a couple of times too, we thought he was settling in, finding his feet, and he had really learned a lot of the basic training we had given him.
On Monday night after work we went in the garden with him, he barked at a dog going past the back gate and Hubby tried to stop him by stroking him and he turned on him, like FULL ON, biting his feet, scratching, snarling, it was so scary, hubby was scared and so was i, the only way we got him off was throwing a ball into the house, and we followed him in.
We just sat and stared at each other, what the HELL had just happened? This little thing lying on the floor like nothing had happened had just ATTACKED him! It was brutal but the first thing i said was ‘we can’t keep him’ i was scared, we can’t live in fear!
We have an open house all the time where people just come in and out, imagine if that had been our Neice, or my Nana, or Me when he was out! We couldn’t risk it!
But we loved him already, we loved having him around, he had learned so much, and he was so cute! But all the growling he had done that we dismissed meant more now, seemed more scary and more dangerous! It was 3 days in! What would he be like in a week? a month? That was pure animal instinct and not something i felt we could just ‘train’ out of him.
So we cried, we didn’t want him to go, we talked and talked and tried to find a way for it to be okay for him to stay, but it wasn’t, we couldn’t and the next morning we sobbed our hearts out as we took him back, we failed him, we promised him a forever home, Hubby is heart broken and he feels so guilty, and i hate seeing him that way!
Now he has gone, his stuff has been put away and the house seems empty.
We are sad, we have regressed 6 months to where we felt pretty shit about stuff, that life never goes our way, that we don’t get a break ever from all this shit!
No wonder we can’t have children, we can’t even give a dog a forever home, and my anxiety is back with a vengeance and i know it will take work to get ourselves back to a status quo!
But for now, i am going to look at puppies, we haven’t given up on a dog, Hubby isn’t ready to talk about it yet, i would jump right back in to attempt some form of happiness again! In the meantime, we have loads on at work(we run a business together as a sideline income) and we have loads of family time this weekend! Its just a shame we can’t take Fred with us!!!
But, yeah, that’s my week, i even slacked on blogging while i had Fred! That is how much he meant to me! But i am back on it and have some interesting fertility articles in the pipeline! And the possibility of working with some great organisations too!
How has your week been? I would love to hear the best and the worst part of your week so far?!?!!?
In the mean time…