Daily Prompt · Infertility · Uncategorized

Daily Prompt: Passenger

‘I have taken a look at the prompts before, but non have ever struck me’

Today the daily prompt is;

PASSENGER.

I have taken a look at the prompts before, but non have ever struck me, and i have read that if they don’t strike you, then don’t write about it, or you will be forcing it, and i am not sure i could have written about any i have seen before even if i did force it.

But with PASSENGER, i knew that it made perfect sense for me to whip out my laptop and get typing.

laptop

When i think of passenger, the first thing i think of is a train, this is a metaphor i have used to describe my life so many times in the last few years,

Infertility, IVF, Miscarriage, it all happened so fast, i felt like i was on a train that couldn’t stop and if it did, it would implode, in a huge shower of pain and anguish, but the alternative was to ride the train for as long as it was moving, and i was so, unbelievably scared of the destination.

There is a particular song that has always resonated with me, i always sing the lyrics so loudly and with so much meaning when it is on, and it has been known to move me to tears, no matter how i was feeling before hand, i am sure many of you have heard it, and it is a beautiful song!

Song ; John Mayer – Stop this train.

The lyrics that particularly get me are these..

train

 

 ‘Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But, honestly, won’t someone stop this train?’

All i used to think was that i wanted to go back to living with my parents, where i was safe, looked after and not putting myself in to a potential heart breaking situation, i knew that i could spiral into a pit of depression, that my relationship could be ruined, that the chances were so low for success, but i knew i had to go with it, i had to try IVF, i would hate myself if i didn’t and spend my life wondering ‘what if’ but i could end up hating myself for ever trying!!

‘Passenger’ also makes me think of myself, its hard for me to admit, and even sadder for me to tell you all, but for so long now i have been a passenger in life, i have been relying on others to help me along my way, emotionally, physically, and any other way you can think of, i haven’t been in the right head space to take control of my own well being, the only control i had was that where i use it in a negative aspect and control my calorie intake which has lead to (for the second time in my life) having an eating disorder, which is a battle i have with myself, and those around me on a daily basis!

But honestly, we are all passengers in life in some way or another, of course some more so than others, and i am working, everyday to take control of the driving, working my way closer to the front carriage of this metaphorical train i spend my life on, i am over half way to the front for sure, and this blog is a huge reason for that!!

For more from me… here are my recent posts; 

Mind full or Mindful?

Thursday musings

Do we really know the long term effects of HRT?

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Passenger

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3 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Passenger

  1. Passenger & infertility do go well together. I hear you about being a passenger of life and relying on other people to get you through – but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Humans are social animals by nature, and we do better when we help each other and let others help us – it creates opportunities to build stronger connections with other people. Unfortunately the common narrative is that we should all be independent and focussed on self care, which makes it feel like a failure/weakness to accept help from others. Anyway, novel over lol but try not to beat yourself up over being a passenger for now….you’ll be the driver for other parts of the ride!

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    1. Yeah. Your right.. I think I’m ready to be in the driving seat. I’ve been lucky to have people to lean on but I need to be more confident now. I have leant on people for so long I’ve almost forgotten how to be myself! Thanks for ‘novel’ ha. It really has helped 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, this could be me talking. I certainly feel the same, I feel like the last few years life has just flung me around and I’ve just tried to hold on as best I can. I’ve never heard the song you’ve quoted but I’m going to have a listen! I’m hoping my train has now stopped for a while, and I can attempt to drive for a bit rather than being the passenger!

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