Ivf

Happy Saturday?!

The end of last week wasn’t the most positive i have ever felt, i had a couple of ‘what am i doing with my life, this isn’t the way it was supposed to be’ moments, and my ever supportive partner had to do his thing of talking me down and basically snapping me back into reality!

My last blog post also helped relieve some of the pent up anxiety i was having, unfortunately for the people reading this (who i am hugely grateful for) writing these things down can really help me understand whats going on inside my crazy head, so thank you to all those who read, commented and liked it, i really appreciate it!

Image result for thank you meme

(love a good Leo DiCaprio meme)

In all seriousness though, I think that is the worst thing to have come out of infertility for me, the anxiety can at times be crippling! It hits me like a ton of bricks, usually in the most irrational of times, like when i am sitting on the sofa at night all cosy with my other half, or as i am drifting off to sleep. BANG like a punch to the stomach i feel sick and my whole body tenses up, most of the time i cant vocalise how it feels, sometimes i cant vocalise at all! Its like a searing pain, physically its like a sudden punch, mentally its so much worse, as if someone is screaming a high pitched scream or pure terror inside my head for what feels like forever! After a while it does get better, i have this technique where i close my eyes and imagine a big (red normally, unsure why!) and put everything that is causing the anxiety inside, once i have put everything i can think of inside i close the lid and then put a giant padlock on it! If i am trying to get to sleep it usually help!

I’m absolutely aware this is most probably not the best, if not really bad, denial style way of dealing with my anxiety, however it does seem to work for me, and when i am feeling that way, anything that can help is a bonus surely that’s ok?!!?

Anyway.. today has been much better, friends and family have been round for multiple cups of tea, biscuits and cake, i also feel like i’m really getting somewhere in my quest to help support people and raise awareness of fertility and especially early menopause, this week i really have spoken to some inspiring ladies (and gentlemen)  who have shown how strong they are and that ivf and infertility doesn’t have to be the end of the road, hopefully together we can make a difference for the future of infertility awareness and use our experiences to support people who need it, i really think this is where my life needs to be, everything happens for a reason right? well maybe this is the reason, and honestly, i am good with that! Bring it on!

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7 thoughts on “Happy Saturday?!

  1. I totally get how you feel. I’ve just seen another Facebook pregnancy announcement by a (distant) friend and my head has exploded and I’ve got an elephant sitting on my chest, I can’t get enough air into my lungs. Red is a good colour to imagine though, it’s your lowest chakra and signifies grounding. When you’re suffering an anxiety attack, grounding is exactly what you need. I’ve always been told to imagine I’m standing on the earth in a pair of bright red socks and then to visualise the socks lengthening and sinking and twisting into the earth like tree roots, grounding you to reality. Not sure if that’ll help but anything is worth a go eh!!
    I’ve had a pretty difficult day and someone told me I was the strongest person they knew – which was lovely of course, but I did say; you don’t see me in private!! We’re all pretty good at putting up our masks, just as long as we let them drop every now and then. And helping to raise awareness is such a great thing to do ❤️ Take care xxx

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    1. Ah it can be so tough when you see those announcements! And not that they aren’t likely but if your anything like me they always take you by surprise? It hurts, I hear ya! Deep breath, google something you like.. for me it would be clothes!! Ha, to take your mind off it!
      That’s Great advice! I will look into it and give it a go when it hits next time, I totally get the idea of the roots burying into the ground, makes total sense really!
      Very interesting about the colour… I will absolutely be looking into that tomorrow, sounds fascinating.
      Oh yeah. For sure! You have to wear those makes in daily life, maybe that’s why the anxiety attacks can be so forceful and come on so quick.. the pressure of suffocating those feelings through the day/week.
      Hoping that speaking to eachother , who can understand a little, means we don’t have to wear those masks as much and can breath a little easier!

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      1. It’s definitely good to chat to people who know what’s it’s like, who just ‘get’ how you feel without you even saying anything. Makes me so glad that I started a blog and am able to read others as well and feel less isolated and alone. I have friends who would happily talk to me, but they just don’t get how consuming and draining this process and is. It’s not like you can put it down for an afternoon to give yourself a break, it’s just there all the time 😑 But the infertility community is getting louder I think 👍 which is great!

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      2. Yeah your absolutely right! I’d love to get together with others like us and think of ways to raise awareness etc it would be fab! Maybe a couple of us could get out beads together?

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      3. Absolutely! I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of an ivf warrior 😂 raising awareness etc. I suppose somewhere like the Fertility Network, or Fertility UK could advise on how we could work effectively?

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