And my positive mental attitude has plummeted…
As many of you will have experienced after a failed ivf cycle you get an appointment at your clinic to discuss what happened and how to move forward, I’m not sure if it’s just my clinic but they always wait a good couple of months before this appointment date gets sent out to you and just as your starting to heal (physically and mentally) BAM its time to face the music and I’m telling you now, you don’t always feel like dancing to the clinics tune!!!!
We have rearranged our last review appointment 3 times now. In fairness the first we actually couldn’t get to but the second and third we didn’t make much of an attempt to move things around in order to be able to go before we cancelled those too, it just isn’t something I want to go to, I don’t want to go into that clinic with all those people full of hope knowing we have non, that all that hope and energy you have at the beginning of a cycle is no longer there or needed for us, it’s ok that it’s over, I just don’t need to go back there to remind me of it!
The 4th rearranged appointment is next week. And I really don’t want to go! Why do I want to drudge it all up? We are not going to try again, at least not in the near future. So it just feels painful to go and talk about it all again and really just to say we don’t want to go through it all again!
Half of me thinks we should just go, that we are obliged to as that’s the process we have followed in the past. But my anxiety has been sky high lately and I don’t think it’s going to help at all! I’m trying my hardest to be positive and do things that will yak my life forward in a positive way! Not talk about things they ha e screwed me up in the past! Even just thinking about it makes me feel sick! Even thinking about ringing them make me all anxious!
On a plus note.. I have been emailing backwards and forwards to infertility support networks to find out how I could help support people who have infertility and ivf issues. I’m hoping that something comes out of it so we will see!
If anyone knows of any infertility support networks online or organisations that help people deal with infertility please let me know!